And the sad thing, the really gut-wrenching part, is that you'll never know how much it hurt me after you left.  You'll never know how much I cared about you, and you'll definitely never know that I loved you.  Those last moments we shared as we sat on the beach, I wanted to tell you.  I wanted to reach over and look you in the eyes and tell you how much I loved all the time we had spent together and that in a perfect world I'd be yours.  But I didn't say any of that.  I could feel your silence too.  And I knew you wanted to tell me something, but like me, you didn't have the courage.  We didn't want to ruin the last moments with each other so we just sat quietly as the time ticked away.  As we left that beach and I kissed you good bye, I knew.  I knew that that was the last time I'd see you.  No matter all the hope I had in seeing you again, there was the painful inkling that I wouldn't.  And I drove off, tears filling my eyes quicker than I could've imagined.  I had one more thing to do for you as I drove to the post office.  You had given me a postcard that you hadn't had to time to send to your coworkers and asked me to send it for you.  I pulled up to the post office and tried my best to hide my tears as I gave your postcard to the postage carrier.  I wondered if the lady that took the postcard knew how much pain I was in.  Weird thinking that I was in some of the worst heart breaking pain I'd ever experienced and she probably didn't even notice.  I wonder how often I don't notice it when people around me are having their heart breaking moment.  As I got back in my car, the tears began again and I rushed home.  I walked into my house, not knowing what to do with myself as I looked around my place...your memory filling every corner of my house.  I packed a backpack and rushed out, leaving my place and headed to my parents' house, just to be away from all you'd left behind.